Bedtime Stories
by AuraLily
Summary: Jayne tells a tale of the great land of Serenity. At least he tries to, anyway. Rayne kidfic written for the August Copper for a Kiss challenge.


"So there I am, stuck in this alley, four men to either end and no chance of escapin' in sight."

Jayne couldn't help but smile at the memory. It had seemed like a tight pinch at the time, but once things turned...

His smile began to fade as he recalled the audience he was playing to. This particular story ended with five men dead, three near enough to it, and him using the coin he found in their pockets to pay two whores to help him work off the extra energy he had left over after the fight. As good a memory as it was to think back on it was in no way a tale fit for four year old ears.

"What happened then, Pa?"

He froze, mind racing under the weight of his own blue eyes staring him down. For all that he had his mother's dark hair and pale skin, Samuel Cobb was the spitting image of his father. He took after Jayne in every way, starting with the distinctive smirk that seemed so wrong on such a young face and moving down to the fact that he was twice the size of Kaylee and Simon's boy, who happened to only be six months younger than Sam.

What was troubling Jayne at the moment, though, was the fact that, even though the boy spoke with his father's rim born accent, it was his mother's genius mind rattling around inside his little head. That meant that he would never let the story go without an explanation and that Jayne, quite simply, was screwed unless he could come up with a distraction.

"Now that I thought on it a bit, why don't we save that one for when you're older and can appreciate it more. I'm thinkin' that tonight we oughta try out one a those tales your mama likes so much."

Seeing the interest gathering in his son's tiny features, Jayne began to warm to the idea even more. Even though River was better at playing make believe there was no reason why he couldn't try his hand at it, too. He'd listened to enough of her rambling stories and deciphered enough River-speak in his time to have an idea as to how it was done and, really, how hard could it be to take one of the adventures of their past and clean it up enough for Sam to hear?

He was pretty certain that the boy had never heard the story of how Jayne and River had met and, aside from his Mama being a little off in the head at the time, it had more than a few points of interest to recommend it. As it was, Sam already knew that River was a little more unusual than most and simply accepted her odd moments as a fact of everyday life. Jayne and River had decided early on that they would never try to hide her problems from the boy and Jayne was fairly certain that they wouldn't have been able to even if they wanted. As far as he was concerned, it was better to deal with the boy's questions as they came than wait until he was older and freak him out by laying the whole thing on him all at once.

If he could help his son understand his world a little more and put him to sleep at the same time, well then, that was even better. Gathering his thoughts, Jayne began his tale of the night River had sprung so unexpectedly into his life.

"Once 'pon a time, there was this little rim moon called Serenity. Place wasn't much to look at, sure, but the people was good and a man could do worse for a place to settle. Anyways, one day this magician comes to town, all starched up and stiff, and says he don't want no one touchin' his magic box. Well, course the mayor of Serenity ain't gonna let that stand so he throws on his shiny hat, stomps into the center of town, and kicks the lid right off that box." Jayne paused, shaking his head at the can of worms Mal had opened that night. "Man ain't ever been able to mind his own business and he ain't ever happy 'less he's right in the middle of things what don't concern him."

Feeling his son's attention begin to slip, Jayne dove back in, picking up the tale where he'd left off in his rambling. "Course, a crowds gathered round by now and, 'fore anyone knows what's goin' on, this pretty little Elf named River comes flyin' out. Girl's shriekin' and hollerin' fit to raise the dead, wings flappin' a mile a minute..."

"Now, Pa, that don't make no kind of sense. Elves ain't even got wings. Only fairies do."

He should have seen that coming. Personally, he wouldn't know the difference between a fairy and an elf if one bit him on the ass but, thanks to River, his son knew all there was to know about imaginary creatures. Maybe all this make believe _go se_ wasn't quite as easy as he'd first thought.

"Yeah, well, this was a special case. A couple of purple-bellied Alliance _hun dans _slapped some wings on her just to see what she could do, so this elf did have 'em. Now, as I was sayin'..."

"Pa, Mama said you ain't supposed to curse in front a me no more."

Jayne fought back the groan he could feel building up in his throat. All of a sudden he had the sinking feeling that Sam had a story of his own to tell and, if past experience was anything to go by, these sorts of things never meant anything good for him. "And just when did your Mama say this?"

At that moment it seemed that a loose thread on the arm of his teddy bear had captured all of Sam's attention. Eyes fixed firmly on the worn brown fur, he plucked at the thread with tiny fingers. "Couple a days ago. Said if I can't keep a civil tongue in my head she was gonna yank yours out."

This was starting to look worse and worse on his end of things. "What was it you said that made her start threatenin' to remove some of my parts?"

This time it was a few bits of lint on his blanket that took Sam's notice. Jayne had the feeling that anything that kept his son from having to look him in the eye was going to seem awfully interesting right about now.

"You know that word you said when Aunt Kaylee dropped her toolbox on your foot?"

The groan escaped. It was even worse than he'd thought.

"Well, I mighta repeated that word in front a Lil' Charlie and, well, Lil'Charlie mighta gone and said it in front a Uncle Simon." Jayne saw that his boy was starting to look a little panicked now, his watery gaze finally lifting to meet his father's. "I never woulda said it if I thought he was gonna go behind my back like that! Never wanted no one else to get in trouble and now Mama's mad at you and Uncle Simon don't like me no more..."

It was finally Jayne's turn to interrupt. "Take it easy, son. This here situation ain't near as bad as your makin' it out to be." He plucked Sam from his bed, cradling the small, familiar weight against his chest. Jayne smoothed a gentle hand over his son's back, rocking and humming deep in his throat until Sam's breathing finally began to slow and the occasional, pathetic sniffle ceased. "Now your Mama has her moments, but I'm fair certain that she likes my tongue too much right where it is to start yankin' on it now. She just meant that I gotta watch my mouth more when I'm around you and she's right."

He could feel Sam starting to relax now, little limbs going heavy and loose as he snuggled into his Pa, his small hand reaching up to rub lightly against Jayne's goatee. "And your Uncle Simon loves you just as much as he always has. You just have to be more careful about the things you pass on to Lil' Charlie. You know how the Doc is about his boy."

Sam's voice was sleepy as he raised his head, the famed Cobb mischief starting to spark in his eyes once again. "I know. Aunt Kaylee thought it was real funny, but Uncle Simon got awful red in the face. He's always talkin' about how Lil' Charlie's gonna come up some big genius like Mama, but last time we was on land I saw him eatin' dirt. That just don't seem like a geniusy type a thing to do. Mama's a genius and she don't eat dirt. I ain't ever ate dirt either and..."

Jayne cut Sam off with a gentle finger placed over his lips and got a lick for his troubles. He knew better than to let the boy get wound up because, no matter how tired he was, once he got started there was no stopping him and Jayne had plans to get to bed at some point in the night. Sam had started talking before he was one year old and he'd been going nonstop ever since.

"It's times like this that you remind me just how alike you and your Ma are."

Had he been paying attention to anything but his son Jayne might have noticed the small shadow that fell across the foot of Sam's bed in enough time to keep his mouth shut. As it was, he turned to find River standing at his shoulder, hands resting on top of the belly that seemed to get bigger every day and her patented 'You're a boob' look firmly in place.

"There is something wrong with being like her?"

So much for getting to bed. While he may not be the brightest man in all the 'Verse, the one thing he did know for certain was that nothing good came from pissing off a pregnant woman and, most especially, nothing good could come from pissing off a pregnant River. If he couldn't find his way through the mess he'd created Jayne knew he'd be hitting the couch that night, and only then if Mal hadn't already beaten him there.

With a tired sigh, Jayne lay Sam down again, tucking him in tightly with his favorite blanket and the stuffed bear he'd had since the day he was born. Task complete, Jayne moved to his wife's side, wrapping his arms around her slender body and drawing her against him ward off the chill the night air had left on her skin.

"Now, darlin', you know that ain't what I meant. Not a thing wrong with our boy takin' after his Mama and you know it. Just meant that he reminds me of you when he does that, you know? When he chases a thought around and won't let it lie until he's got it set straight in his head. The boy might look and sound like me, but we all know where he got his smarts from. Hell, I ain't even got the words to say how proud I am that a little genius like that is even a part of me."

Placing his hand on her rounded stomach, Jayne smiled as a ferocious little kick thudded against his palm. "I know you gotta be tired from carrying our girl around all day. Why don't you two head to bed and I'll finish getting our little monster put down for the night?"

River considered him for a moment, head tilted to the side, before a slow, wicked grin broke across her face. "She is very tired." River wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her level before pressing her lips to Jayne's ear. Her warm, wet tongue flicked out, sending a shiver down the length of his body. "But not too tired. You are right. She is very fond of your tongue just as it is and would never seek to harm it."

Leaving Jayne stunned and more turned on than felt appropriate within sight of his son, River pressed a gentle kiss to Sam's forehead and disappeared as silently as she arrived.

Just when he thought he couldn't love his wife anymore she went and did something like that.

Shaking himself from his stupor, Jayne turned back to Sam and settled in on the edge of his bed. Taking note of the droopy eyes and flushed cheeks that meant sleep wasn't far off, he picked up where he'd left off. "Now, as I was sayin', River was a fairy..."


End file.
